Vulnerability is key when connecting fathers đź’š Bruce Muchelule, DADing Different
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Episode at a glance:
GUEST: Bruce Muchelule
COMMUNITY: DADing Different
HOSTS: Bailey Richardson & Whitney Ogutu
“The journey is not so much about how many people respond. You can just impact one person and they can impact you back.” - Bruce Muchelule
Show Notes
When Bruce became a dad, he wasn’t quite sure how to know if he was doing things right. He reached out on Twitter to see if there were any support groups or places for dads to find peer mentorship. He couldn’t find one, but he did receive DMs from many fathers looking for a community like Bruce.
DADing Different began as a space for young and first-time dads to exchange notes, share experiences, and support each other on their journeys. Bruce has found vulnerability to be key to meaningful sharing, and he designs the community to encourage that. Too many structures and processes can be off putting for a community. Bruce opts instead for serendipity and asynchronicity in a WhatsApp group.
We talked with Bruce about creating a space that is “member-led” not “leader-led” and opting for a small group of engaged, eager members.
Just like when building a fire, there’s an order of operations you can follow to cultivate communities that burn bright.
In our book, “Get Together: How to build community with your people,” we take you through three stages of building a community: sparking the flame, stoking the fire, and passing the torch.
Bruce offers insights into the first step: sparking the flame.
A clear WHY.
When Bruce became a father, he had questions about how he could best show up for his daughter. His father’s experience was at a different time than present day. When he turned to his friends, he found it was hard to have vulnerable conversations about the topic.
Bruce wasn’t seeking mentors, nor was he seeking friendship. He needed emotional support. He designed DADing Different to fulfill that common need.
Sparking conversation
“Men are not wired to struggle,” Bruce shared, “and thus men are not wired to acknowledge struggle.” Vulnerability is the key that makes the sharing in the DADing community valuable, but entering that mindset takes time and permission for many men. Bruce has been a role model for how to contribute by seeding questions and conversations with other members. With time, the conversations became more participatory, or as Bruce told us more “member-led” than “leader-led.”
Giving up control
Bruce takes a serendipitous approach with most of the community activity. Too many structures and processes can preclude vulnerability with formality. Bruce hosts pre-conversations with members to gage their level of openness on topics. The dads that he senses are eager to discuss will often join the space and engage with members on their own terms often.
👋🏻Say hi to Bruce and learn more about DADing Different.
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